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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25746169">Soft Place to Land</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou'>sharedwithyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Cullen Rutherford, Cassandra Pentaghast Voice Of Reason, F/M, Helpful Cole (Dragon Age), angst angst angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:14:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25746169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Our matches do end as draws, 9 times out of 10.”</p><p> </p><p>“And the 1, then?” You always pushed, like this. But it hasn’t created a rift between you. In either sense. It spurred both of you to be the best you could be. He never held it against you. He wouldn’t this time , either.</p><p> </p><p>Which of us won, the 1 out of 10?</p><p> </p><p>“Flip a coin.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Reader, Cullen Rutherford/You, Cullen/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Soooo I told My girl Wolfie that I owe Cullen one for friend zoning me as a female qunari soooo here’s some angst</p><p>Inspired by Soft Place to Land - Kathleen Edwards</p><p>Enjoy my lovelies!</p><p>Xoxo Bucky</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve been to the Hinterlands, Fallow Mire, Emprise Du Leon-“ you began. You didn’t get far.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I couldn’t go with you, you know that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t expect you to. I didn’t need you to.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Debatable.” He pointed to the scar running down your cheek.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey, I think of it as a badge of honor.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose it’s more a reminder of guilt for me,” He stated solemnly.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You covered it with your hand. “Better?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You shared a laugh, as you’d done so often. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You had no choice.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Didn’t make it any easier.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You had men and women who needed you much more than me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Doesn’t mean I didn’t wish upon the Maker I could be there with you instead.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You hadn’t expected to be the one to look away, and yet you were the one unable to meet his gaze. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As a friend?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, as a friend. Also as a brother in arms. As a soldier. As your commander. As your right hand.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“As an equal.” To sum things up the way you supposed he meant.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Our matches do end as draws, 9 times out of 10.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And the 1, then?” You always pushed, like this. But it hasn’t created a rift between you. In either sense. It spurred both of you to be the best you could be. He never held it against you. He wouldn’t this time , either.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which of us won, the 1 out of 10?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Flip a coin.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“50/50, then. Redundant.” Still you both smiled. You hadn’t meant it bitterly, and he knew you well.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But if 50/50 was half and half.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d have been meant to be your other half. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And you’d traveled far and wide, never feeling less than whole. Until now.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Remember the letters you sent?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, the pages on which I detailed our recruits’ progress and you never seemed to answer.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Leliana always kept me informed.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The personal thoughts that I shared, then, which also went ignored.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If I recall, you explicitly asked me to refrain from writing back. Keeping the birds’ trips as limited as possible, to avoid interception, right?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You are the Inquisitor. You make the rules don’t you? Breaking one would hardly be the end of the world.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Each conversation, if circumstances allowed, would turn into banter. Whichever side one chose, the other would fill in as devils advocate. Now was no exception.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve always agreed with the rules you set yourself. The current being the only exception.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose there’s a first time for everything.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The letters,” you reminded him of when he’d last interrupted you. “In one you said you’d be my protector.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ve always thought of that a bit shamefully. I thought it sounded condescending.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You reached into your bag and pulled out a carefully folded parchment. “It wasn’t condescending at all.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His cheeks colored slightly. But he didn’t shy away from it. “I’m glad.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think it was then that I started to...hope.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.” He spoke earnestly. “I didn’t mean it to come off as... “</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he wasn’t sure what the appropriate word was.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose that answers the question of when and where.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I admit ‘who, what, where, when, how’ was not the best initial response.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Your lips twitched, but you were tired of smiling.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Tired of pretending everything between you was the same. The same you’d felt before about him: the same you felt about your other advisors.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You couldn’t do it anymore.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I think the who is pretty self explanatory. I don’t think I need to explain the what. And I don’t think the how matters. Nor do I think you want to know.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He closed his eyes. He did want to know, but he’d never let on. He knew it would be unfair to make you tell him, when he couldn’t offer you the same; a who what when where and how for falling for you. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You didn’t want his apology.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You wanted his acceptance. His agreement. His reciprocation. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You wanted him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But you couldn’t have him. Still, the words were bursting from your lips. You let them out.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cullen, I lo-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please.” You hadn’t thought you’d be able to stop saying it. But you’d certainly never thought he’d beg. “Don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You sucked in your breath and nodded,swallowing the last of your confession.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He felt you withdrawing, and reached out instinctively. And even after he realized, he still kept his hand firmly around yours, not letting you shake him off. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d given you a pat on the shoulder plenty of times. He’d grabbed your arm out of excitement more than once.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Somehow this was more intimate than all those put together.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Even if I can’t return your feelings... after every mission, every trip, every victory or defeat. I’ll be here. Even if everything about us, everything around us changes. I’ll be here.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You wanted him to pull you closer. You wanted to bury yourself in his chest.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t go with you, but I can wait here. When you come back, I’ll keep you safe.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You’d felt yourself falling for a while. Now, you knew. You knew he wouldn’t catch you in his arms.But you’d always have a soft place to land.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Was it enough?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">For now, Cullen. I’ll wait for you too.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WAHHHHH</p><p>leave a comment if you liked!!</p><p>Quick poll 1: which line gave you the most feels</p><p>Quick poll 2: would you rather see Cullen and lovely get together or more angst?</p><p>Have a great weekend lovelies!</p><p>Xoxo Bucky</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So Wolfie asked for a happy ending but gave me room for more angst, so here is the finale to Cullen’s rejection of Qunari.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Knowing your limits is not cowardice.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Leliana put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and assured him quietly as Josie marched away.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Our ambassador begs to differ.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Forgive her. Josie means well, she just knows how hard it was for the Inquisitor to-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It wasn’t just hard for her.” Cullen looked at his feet.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, I’m sure hearing how you’re adored is terribly difficult.”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Apparently Dorian had been eavesdropping; either that or he recognized the crestfallen look the Inquisitor had as she walked through the courtyard as casually as possible. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t realize it was open forum on our personal relationship.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A recruit passing by recognized the clipped tone in the commander’s voice, and hurried to warn the others. Looks like it would be dragging flour sacks across the field one one foot again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dorian narrowed his eyes, but decided the right path would be comforting you, not aggravating Cullen.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Everything alright, dear Inquisitor?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You raised an eyebrow at the sassy mage but didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I might not be clairvoyant but I know the telltale signs of a broken heart.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Please stop talking before I set your hair on fire.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Meow, the claws are out.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for not saying hooves.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure the Commander’s rejection had nothing to do with race.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You conjured a flame and held it in front of you, watching it flicker.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Point taken. Well, I’ll be in the library if you need me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You didn’t respond. Not necessarily ignoring him out of annoyance; you were focused on the flame. It had taken years, but you could finally summon magic without a staff. Every so often, the strangeness would strike you. You could actually grasp the fire with your very fingertips. You couldn’t so much as singe your own hair with it but you could burn down an entire village with a few stray bolts. And that wasn’t a boast. You’d taken down an enemy base as a side effect of target practice. Rabbits were a lot more agile than your average Templar.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But there were no embers from which his love could rise.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You sure came out in a hurry.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My aren’t you looking lovely Miss Josephine.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Trust me Dorian, I did not get any more information than you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I can’t compliment a beautiful lady without some ulterior motive?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m sure you could. Though we haven’t had an example yet.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well we should at least compare notes, shouldn’t we?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright. You first.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, It was my idea.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine. As a show of good faith I will let you know this. The commander made a mistake.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well at least it wasn’t a military error. No blood will be shed by this. Unless of course one pesters the Inquisitor too much.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should give her some space.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Agreed. Now would you be so kind as to accompany me for some pastries from the kitchen?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why, Dorian, I thought you’d never ask.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Care for a game of chess, Inquisitor?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’d think cards were more your style.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“A rogue must be proficient with a whole bag of tricks.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess it’s harder to cheat with pieces.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Varric grinned, and you couldn’t help but smile back. He was a charmer, but still it felt genuine. Not as unassumingly so as a certain general, but perhaps it would cheer you up.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So, which color do you want?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ladies first.” He pulled a chessboard out of thin air and set it up quickly. He grinned once more when you spun it the other way so he could play white.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I like black. Seems more of a challenge.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Very well. But I won’t go easy like I know you’re inclined to.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is that a confession to spying?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For the last time I went into the ladies bath on accident! And Cassandra already pummeled me regardless!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes I’d think you had better things to do than watch me play chess.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Still there are certain things one can easily guess.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And if you win you may share with the class.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey if I win I want my debt from crashing the chandelier erased.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have a deal.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What can you see?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s too many branches in the way.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’d offer to clear them with my sword but that would defeat the purpose of observing quietly.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We should’ve asked the demon kid.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I somehow recall you saying you’d rather put nails in your ears than listen to his stream of consciousness.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Pfft I was joking.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You said it with your bow drawn.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well what do you suggest then?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We could leave them be.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And go observe Cullen?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Commander is in a training session currently.” Cassandra emphasized the title. The sprightly archer took no notice.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes well I’m sure there’s something we could pick up in his gestures or whatnot.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Perhaps you’re right. There’s not much to see here anyway.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, chess is boring.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I meant she’s got him in checkmate in four moves.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good game. I believe even if I cheated you’d still win.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Once again I must ask if that’s an admission of guilt.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hey the wind knocked my rook off the board, I was just putting it back.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Another round then? To prove your innocence.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll have to pass. My ego can only withstand so much battering.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Even if we add higher stakes?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Varric chuckled appreciatively. “Tempting but I’m afraid I wouldn’t live to see the light of day.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If it was fair and square instead of an ambush in the bath-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Accidentally!” He protested loudly.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wouldn’t have to murder you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I salute your sportsmanship. But it wouldn’t be just you after my head.” He gestured knowingly.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“With that assumption you’d be up the wrong tree, Varric. Speaking of which I believe Sara has gotten stuck in that one.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’ll go get the ladder. But you know, Inquisitor, I’m never wrong about these things. I have a career writing about them after all.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And how is Bianca?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And that’s my cue to leave.” He scowled at you but there was a twinkle in his eye.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thanks for the company.” You said with sincerity.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked taken aback by your almost-vulnerability. So you put him at ease.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And you owe fifty thousand for the chandelier.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You sat on the oversized chair in your room with a sigh. It had been a long day of pretending everything was alright. And you hadn’t even done that good of a job it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But you couldn’t be too hard on yourself. The last thing you needed after getting absolutely crushed was to become your own critic.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Let’s count it as a victory that you didn’t burst into tears when the recruits hobbled in and asked to be reassigned to a different camp because ‘the commander had gone insane.’</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t always have to be strong Inquisitor.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You cursed for the first time today, which was definitely a new record. “Leliana I thought we agreed no more hiding in my room for late night discussions. When we leave the war room, we are done for the day.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes and I’d like to point out two things. Firstly we are allowed to discuss personal lives one we leave the war room. And second, you’re in my room.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You cursed again. “Apologies, Leliana.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I guess your afternoon with Varric had a bigger influence on you than expected.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not true. Mine was definitely an accident. His on the other hand...”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She wiggled her eyebrow and the two of you laughed out loud. You felt better immediately. The two of you didn’t often have the chance to socialize. She was at the beck and call of her birds even during the oddest hours. It was good to see the softer side of her; not the hardened and ready to slit a throat at any second spymaster.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was happy to see beyond a battle-worn-but-not-torn almost-Godlike inspiration, a real human. Well, Qunari. The significance was the same. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I won’t push it- but I’m here if you want to talk.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Maybe tomorrow. For now can we gossip about the bard that just moved in?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely. Did you know she has the hots for Cole?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She does not!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“If anyone can recognize a rumor based in truth it’s me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s what you said last time about the cook and that albino soldier.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes and we could have confirmed it if she hadn’t run off.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She ran off with one of Hawke’s men.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Allegedly!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">By the time you made it to the correct room, the night watch had changed shifts. You’d definitely feel the consequences of being up this late tomorrow morning, but it had been a while since you’d stayed up doing something you actually enjoyed. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You didn’t bother lighting a lantern since you double checked you were in the correct room this time. And your nightshirt was exactly where you’d tossed it this morning. You checked your pockets before you undressed as you did every night- you didn’t want to step on a stray dagger in the morning. Of course you could just fold your clothes neatly and not worry about cutting open your foot when you got out of bed tomorrow; but leading the Inquisition left very little room for error. Having a little chaos in your living space felt oddly freeing; self-created being the important distinction.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You felt the corners of parchment scratch your fingertips. The pain you’d been deftly avoiding throughout the day slithered to the front of your mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You could stare death in the face; so why was it so hard to handle heartache?</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Maybe because the tides of combat were within your reigns. But love was out of your control.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You could beat a grown man into submission; but you couldn’t make him surrender his heart.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You conjured a flame once more, hoping the crackles from a letter burning would be some twisted lullaby.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You sighed, and extinguished it. “Cole if you sneak up on me again I’ll burn your hat to cinders.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hopeful eyes. Heart beating fast. A flash of light that cuts through the shadows.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Where’s Sera and her threats when you need them?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You don’t understand. Not everyone says exactly what’s on their mind.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Some of us do have tact, yes.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm. Sorry.” He wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for, but he knew his words didn’t always have the effect he intended. He tried again. “Things aren’t always what they seem.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, Envy taught us that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can’t lose something good just because it didn’t turn out right.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You let out an even longer sigh. “You have a point. The hope may be gone, but not the kindness.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded. He felt you still didn’t quite understand, but you were closer than before.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stars in the sky. A blanket on the grass. Warmth.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Well I’ll be damned. He sees it.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A soft place to land.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You felt the edge of sleeplessness, which you’d come to recognize, pass. You could rest well tonight. Which is worth being content for. “Thank you, Cole. Goodnight.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, it should be.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can I get you a refill, Commander?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cassandra. Please and thank you.” Cullen was grateful that no one else had approached him tonight. It seemed everywhere there were whispers and looks, which was both annoying and alarming. He was unsure how this very personal news got out, but since he was sure you were not the source, he’d have to assume it was one of the rogues.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Which meant another privacy seminar was overdue. Bloody fantastic.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Long day?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Absolutely.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded. The two of them lapsed into a not-entirely-uncomfortable silence. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“So you’ve come up with a new regimen for the troops?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The flour sack crawl.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Its a weighted walk, not a crawl. They have to be able to carry their fellow wounded soldiers to safety should the unfortunate occasion arise.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I agree. But perhaps you should start with a more manageable weight and work upwards from there. It’s been coined by literally everyone as the flour sack crawl. I’ve never seen so many rope burns on ankle; much less, grass burns on knees.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cullen held in a sigh, opting for a long nod instead. “Excellent feedback. Thank you. I’m always open to suggestions on recruit training.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“But not on your love life, correct?” Cassandra asked with an eyebrow raised.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Or lack of one.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t aware the Grey Wardens code spoke of such.” Cullen spoke testily at the conversational intruder.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cassandra gave Blackwall a look that clearly said I’ve got it from here. He gave her a smile of understanding. Still, he couldn’t help adding, “The Inquisitor is a lovely lady. Any of us would be honored to be with her. And many of us have considered it, too.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cassandra made a throat-cutting motion and he took the hint. “Just a thought,” Blackwell finished, before grabbing the mug Cullen had been drinking from and walking off.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m going to kill him.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cassandra held out an arm to stop Cullen, but before he even got up his chair was pulled out from under him, dropping him to the floor like a spilled plate of cookies.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I got your back, Cass.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cassandra tried not to roll her eyes. “Sera I will once more ask you not to call me that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Fine, Fine.” Sera mumbled noncommittally. “So, Commander. Developing a bit of the green-eyed beast aren’t we?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cullen got up, looking very pissed off. “You’re lucky I don’t believe in hitting women outside of battle.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well don’t hold yourself back on my account. But maybe you should pay more attention to your own shit. So men find her attractive. Nobody said they’d shag her.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For the record, I would!” Iron Bull called from across the bar. Apparently Sera’s voice carried really well.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not helping,” Cassandra whispered through gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Personally I’m not sure you deserve her. Letting her make the first move and then blowing it like a moron. But it’s up to her. If she decides to give you a second chance, which I would advise her not to!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The last sentence was considerably higher pitched as Cassandra got fed up and dragged her away by her ear.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And here I thought Josie’s response had been harsh.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Et Tu, Leliana?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m actually here to invite you for a drink. A proper one. Away from this riff-raff.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m wounded,” Varric joked as he walked by.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“With your personal stash? What’s the occasion?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stash? You make it sound like illegal paraphernalia.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well I’ve heard there are extraordinary tariffs on it. So either you’ve been dipping into Inquisition coffers or you’ve smuggled it in.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Either way I’m not telling. Now let’s go.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cullen was glad to leave the bustle of the bar for some peace and quiet.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you. I owe you one.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t be hasty. I’m thinking of baby names for the future child of you-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Would you look at the time? I better go to bed.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And so, settled an awkwardness that followed you and Cullen around.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the War Room, you’d smile and nod as the other two ladies joked. Whenever Cullen had news to report or concerns to voice, you’d listen intently as always. But itwas hard to act natural. An oxymoron if you think about it. Andyou were anything but a natural where acting was concerned. Josie tried to fill any silence that lingered unnecessarily. Leliana would smile or frown mysteriously, depending on the situation. Or was it her mood?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You were too tired to figure out things like that. Maybe you were too tired of trying to read between the lines. You doubled down and further concentrated your efforts on the campaign instead. Most nights you were too exhausted for any unnecessary thoughts to plague you. And in the morning, there would be countless letters to read; endless questions from everyone, from cook to captain.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Some days you hardly thought about him at all.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Inquisitor?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Unfortunately today wasn’t one of those days. There had been a decrease of recruits joining, and nobody had any good ideas. It didn’t stop Cullen from trying though. Or from constantly asking for your opinion about it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, Commander?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m thinking of stationing a few more recruitment officers between these camps.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We have a policy of leaving that map in the War Room. Just as we have a policy of strategizing there or your office only. Notin the courtyard, not during dinner, and not during my rounds.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He nodded. “I know. But I think you’d agree that this is an important issue. That may not be adequately discussed in the short time we’re there.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Six. We spent six hours there today.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“And that was the shortest of the week. Yesterday we were in there for ten.” Both of you were surprised at your response. You rarely interrupted him anymore. In the past you’d done it frequently when you were joking around. You almost never raised your voice at him either. But here you’d done both.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He didn’t frown or make any indication he was upset. “I can see it’s important for you to have some time to yourself.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m still quite productive. I’m on my way to inspect the new laboratory right now. I would just like to have a few hours without advisor discussion. I hope you don’t misunderstand me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I didn’t mean to imply you were frittering your time away.” It was his turn to raise his voice. You couldn’t remember the last time he had done so. Maybe it was during last time he interrupted you. Whilepleading. You didn’t want to follow that train of thought. You were unsure how to proceed naturally from here. So you gave him a fake smile instead, as you leaned forward and pulled the map out of his hands.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you meant well, Cullen. I’ll see you later.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">His eyebrows shot skyward, but you missed it as you turned and continued on your way.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Something on your mind?” Cassandra asked with concern as she watched the Commander shred one of the training dummies to bits.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Inquisitor just called me Cullen.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She narrowed her eyes, not sure how this was upsetting. “That’s surprising.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not only that. She yelled at me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cassandra squinted some more. “I’m sorry to hear. The Inquisitor is generally level-headed.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s not what bothers me.” He drove his sword into the pile of destroyed hay.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Then...”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked away. “She hasn’t called me Cullen since the day I-“ he stopped himself. He stood up straight and made eye contact, and opted to address the other issue. “Lately, she’s stopped yelling altogether.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I fail to see the problem.” She decided not to tack on ‘once again.’ He didn’t exactly need more scorn. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m not criticizing her for being rational, if overly so. But she doesn’t laugh anymore. Like genuine, can’t stand up straight, almost piss yourself laughter.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That evokes a colorful mental image, but I’m following.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She’s become increasingly meticulous. She’s always been careful; and it’s our job to cover the gaps anyway. But the way she is now, she’s taking too much of the pressure by herself.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re worried she won’t be able to sustain it?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t think she should have to.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It doesn’t seem in her character to overestimate herself. I don’t think she will crack under the weight of what she chooses to carry.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He raised his eyes heavenward. It wasn’t until later that Cassandra realized he was trying not to cry. “I’m not worried she will burn out. I don’t think she can. Because I don’t see the flame within her at all. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’m scared it’s because the fire has already gone out.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When you finally had a free moment, which was late in the night, you brought the map back. Carefully putting it back in its proper place, you couldn’t help but stare at it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A piece of paper forged through blood, drawn by sweat, marked with tears.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yet it could so easily be lost with just a simple candle.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You felt the warmth at your fingertips. You hadn’t used magic in ages. At least you had one thing that came naturally.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You groaned and walked out of the room. That was your new coping mechanism to the spirit’s inopportune intrusions.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You can still do it. Easily.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Go to bed, Cole.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Spirits don’t need sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, well I do. Now stop following me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was making sure you could still do it. The magic.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Thank you for faith. Or lack thereof.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“The Templar. The grumpy one. He said your fire had gone out.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You snorted. “How would he know. He didn’t see it when it was burning.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We all could.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You exhaled. “Well I guess it was obvious to everyone except him. Which explains how everyone knew that he’d turned me down. I’m sure it was written all over my pathetically sad face.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cole looked at you in confusion. “I think I misunderstood the type of fire.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What- oh.” You let out an uncharacteristic giggle. “Yes the fire here is metaphorical.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What does it mean?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Seeing as Cullen brought it up, it should be his job to answer. But I’d say it was love. Or infatuation. Something along those lines.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh.” Cole looked pensive. You forgave him for being a sneaky little spy. You probably wouldn’t see that innocence or wonder on anyone else. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“May I rest now? Alone?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes. But tomorrow can you tell me what Love is?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That sounded like an annoying difficult request. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Why don’t you ask the Commander? I think he’d answer better than me. See how he likes getting pestered with questions.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Alright.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good night Cole.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I hope it is.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was finally the end of Cullen’s day. He peeled off his armor and sank into his chair. Would it be freeing to let a tear out? Or would it slowly crush him like everything else was?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What is love?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Damnit Cole! Did Sera put you up to this?!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It was (y/n).”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was strange hearing him use your name. Nobody ever called you that. “I suppose this is payback. Harsh but fair. What kind of love are you asking about?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There’s more than one kind?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good Lord. Yes there is.” Cullen let out an involuntary yawn.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cole decided to ask him an easier question. “What did you mean when you said her fire went out? Her magic is fine.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I suppose I should be used to you eavesdropping.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cole didn’t understand why everyone got upset with him. He was just listening.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cullen decided answering would make Cole go away faster. “Fire. Passion. Soul.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Ah.” It was easier to understand this way. Cullen was so tired he was inadvertently speaking his language. “Well (y/n) still has her soul.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good to know. Now let me sleep.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you think her other metaphorical fire has gone out? The love fire?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cullen was at a loss for words. He looked out the window, hoping he seemed stoic instead of heartbroken.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know you still have yours. You’ve always had it. But you lied to her.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Get out before I cut your hat into a ribbon.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You were safely in dreamless-land when a series of banging snatched you out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“(Y/n) open up!” So retribution had made its way over before morning. What a ripoff.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Can’t revenge wait until dawn?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Let me in before I break down the door.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As strong as he was, that was unlikely. You’d gotten Mahogany after Sera broke in to borrow your boots. But it didn’t dampen his voice at all.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You opened it a crack. “If you’re here for an apology you’re in for a rude awakening. Not unlike the one you just gave me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You hadn’t made a quip at him in a while.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been the status quo between the two of you for the longest time. Until things took a turn.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But he brushed past it. “Tell me (y/n). </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Do you still love me?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The name stuck out to you more than the question. Perhaps the latter was too absurd.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I apologize for using your first name earlier. Let’s keep our relationship cordial. And professional.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s bullshit. It’s never been that way.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It has been for these past few months. I think it suits us.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Is there even an us anymore?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You would’ve laughed sarcastically, but your mouth felt dry. You almost had to clear your throat.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Was there ever?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He closed his eyes tightly. A tear slid down his cheek, but you couldn’t absorb it any more than his questions.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“There could have been.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We don’t live our lives with coulds, Commander. We’re the Inquisition. We live with Is or Isn’t. Nothing else.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I know.” He whispered quietly. “But what about should?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You closed the door in his face. An easy metaphor if there ever was one.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I should have told you the truth, Inquisitor.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’ve loved you ever since I wrote that letter.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You felt the world spinning out of control. You tried to shake yourself awake. This had to be some sort of sick dream.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I was scared.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I know it’s ridiculous. Commander of the Inquisition. I could slay a pride demon without breaking a sweat.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s pride alright.” The retort came so easily.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I wasn’t ready to risk losing what we had.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I couldn’t lose you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s bullshit.” You threw his words backat him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yes, I see that now.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You couldn’t help smiling at the slight annoyance in his voice. You were glad he couldn’t see it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I want to hear you laugh when I mispronounce the visiting noble’s names. I want you to punch my shoulder when I’m being stubborn. I want us to spar until we’re so tired we can’t walk. And when we stumble like drunk idiots-“</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’ll put your cape down. Like you’ve always done. So when I fall...</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I have a soft place to land.” Your voice cracked and your vision blurred. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If you fall, I’ll catch you. I won’t let you land anywhere besides in my arms.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">I’ll be your protector...and more. If you’ll let me.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d laid his heart bare. He hadn’t realized how much it would take out of him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was exhausting. That’s how you had felt that day, and he hadn’t known until now.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He rested his head on the door. If you didn’t answer him, at least he’d feel closer to you. He could pretend you were leaning into him, with only a slab of wood keeping you apart.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">You felt the warmth spread from your fingertips to your tippy toes, as a fiery blush bloomed across your face. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Stand back, Cullen.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And the smoke curled away from the flames as the door disappeared into ash and you walked through to give a kiss to a very shocked Commander.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Don’t ever call me Inquisitor again.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>YAYYYYY</p><p>Leave a comment if you liked!!!</p><p>I wanted to end it angztily because I’m still salty that the creators don’t allow a Qunari x Cullen romance. But since we were already robbed of that the least I can do is make it possible in writing :)</p><p>Quick poll 1: what part made you laugh </p><p>I think mine is when lovely hints at strip chess and varric says nah Cullen would kill me. Also throwback to Cullen getting destroyed at strip poker and having to escape naked. </p><p>Quick poll 2: what part gave you feels?</p><p>Can you tell my fav party members are Cassandra and Cole? Honestly I like all of them though!</p><p>Get ready for a Cole fic near the future! We didn’t have a chance in the game and he specifically asked us what love is so it’s time we showed him!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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